Something positive: Poles

Posted in Personal Opinion on March 29, 2008 by Editor

PERSONAL OPINION
29 March 2008

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Spar                               Irish people                  Polish people

Before Ireland goes down a cultural and economic chute, as always happens to countries that got bumptious in a boom, I thought it would be good to write about how great it is to live in Dublin city centre in 2008.

I was going to write about how every week something exciting opens – a new pub, restaurant or indie music venue, how Dublin is finally a city comfortable with its hairstyle: multicultural; alive and rippling with a vibrant youth; a melting pot for ideas and edgy design; stirred by iconic theatres, a dynamic and alternative movie industry, an angsty literature and a casual music – an opera in every pub, a Citizens’ City with a surprise at each street corner. Embracing, laughing, iconoclastic, HUMANE Dublin.

I’d love to hear from anyone who can make the case that this is true. My attitude changes and I know the city centre is convenient and all that, but today I’m conscious only that my doorstep is the most vomited-upon in Europe, the next-door building is derelict and scrawled with graffiti and there’s less green space in the North Inner City than there is in a prison yard.

A few weeks ago I came home in the middle of the day to find a man urinating against my house, which is recessed and a good place to behave appallingly. I am used to people (men) peeing there and, as you may understand, am against it; therefore I tapped him gently so he would confront his delinquency and wet himself. Then everyone was shouting and amid the swirl it eventually became clear that he was in fact “emptying his kidney bag”. I laughed, half-apologised and shook his hand. We might as well have resolved to stay in touch. This is no way to live your life, at forty-two.

No, after a few years when it flickered, the city centre is moribund again. Full of too many desensitised hard-chaws with protruding faces who pee on our houses or ignore us. They’re right to ignore me. And in return I am committed to ignoring them. But they ignore everything. They even ignore my daughters. Almost as if they weren’t goddesses come out from the river. Venuses on chewing-gum-beslobbered Capel St.

Really the only good thing in my area is the Poles. Because I work from home and need desperately to get out, I spend far too much time in the shiny new Spar which is where they are concentrated, as in a Pomeranian sitcom. They obviously love each other and for all I know may even like Dublin.

Poles still know what smiling is. Male and female, they kindle and flame with warmth when you arrive and crackle when you offer up your milk carton or ask them for a coffee in the Insomnia cafe which Spar engirdles. And they’re so generous to my daughters. They beam at them and my daughters radiate back. Like it was the fifties.

I wish we could hang out in a bookish cafe but it is Dublin and there is only Spar. We make a second home among the baked beans and happy Poles.

Arnotts guillotined

Posted in News on March 27, 2008 by Editor
NEWS 27 March 2008

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Arnotts          their Chairman, Richd Nesbitt             Carlton Cinema

Arnotts got guillotined yesterday in their bid to bring high-rise shopping to a salivating city centre.

An Bord Pleanala has told them to clip their proposed sixteen- storey tower on the Liffey St/Abbey St corner back to seven storeys; and reduce the height at other points, where they’d chanced their arm with heavyweight embellishment above what even a four year old could see was the natural height for expansion. Arnotts have to go back to the Bord with new drawings providing for these changes before June.

Actually overall Arnotts’ plan isn’t so bad, at least if you think more shopping in general represents progress and have had enough of cheap 1990s ironmongery, sunless internal signposts and basement chipboard. It provides for a useful amount of residential accommodation, public space and a new street – and in a part of the country that is well served by public transport.

But there are luminous problems with the proposal. For example it proposes pivoting (i.e. demolishing and rebuilding) half of that boring old 1890s redbrick protected structure on Henry St (you know the one that you thought WAS Arnotts) around. This is so the venerable retailers can insert their new street and have half of the shop’s main facade there instead, meeting the surviving half at a right angle.

Perhaps the most interesting thing about the guillotining is that it indicates An Bord Pleanala is highly unlikely to have any truck with the Liberty-Hall height ski-slope thing Joe (Dundrum) O’Reilly is about to lodge for the former Carlton site on O’Connell St which includes (trading under the name Dr Quirkey’s) the site of a strangely under-investigated illegal gaming arcade.

This slapping down of significant parts of the Arnotts’ proposal, we can be sure, will bring shame to the face of not one of the priss-pot architects who spearhead such schemes but who, like most of the press, seem unaware of what spoilsport Bord Pleanala does, which is to apply the plans that the City Council ignores – cutting out gratuitous height and demolitions.

Nor will red-facedness at being exposed for blatant have-a-goery ever spread up over the architects’ black polos, or out from behind their clever glasses. And if in ten years someone has to knock down what they are now proposing will ere a rosey blush taint their musings. Not for one second. Why do I predict this? Because ten years ago I appeared at an oral hearing in An Bord Pleanala where the usual sniffy architectural self-righteousness led to a permission to build a lot of what Arnotts are now bullishly applying to junk!

Joe O’Reilly, spurred by the audacity of Arnotts, is also proposing to shift the facade of the Carlton Cinema on wheels Northward down O’Connell St (you think I’m joking?) so he too can insert a street that will feed into Henry St. It’s all part of the exciting Louis Vuittonising and permeation of Henry St, which has the highest footfall of any street in Europe.

Maybe one or two of the feet, that currently fall only in multi-storey-car parks all over the South City and would never chance an outing in the terrifying North Inner City, might start falling down Capel St: former furniture Mecca of Ireland, now (due to its dosser shopowners) the Chinese restaurant, dildo and charity-shop epicentre of the Universe. Or even make it to forgotten Ormond Quay where I live, where only the most desperate feet ever fall and where you’d be grateful for anyone even contemplating building something inanely high.

Dublin City Architect

Posted in Opinion on March 18, 2008 by Editor
OPINION
20 March 2008

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Fridge                                 Spike                                     Floozie

SO THEY have finally knocked down the book market on Capel Street Bridge which I can see from my window.

To the outsider it always looked like a line of grey refrigerators that were nearly always closed and out of which things like window-blinds were occasionally sold, but to Dublin City Council they were bookstalls.

Responsibility for this mistake rests ultimately with Jim Barrett, the newly-retired Dublin City Architect, whose idea they were and who recently received a lifetime achievement award from Opus for “a high level of excellence, insight and achievement in his field over an extended period of time”.

The bookstalls were not his only contribution. Where they lead can the gas-guzzling Nuremberg-style braziers on a largely unused Smithfield be far behind on the runway to architectural oblivion? While they’re at it the City Council could also remove the somewhat clumsy Calatrava Bridge on Usher’s Island, the second-rate new granite all over the City, the hard-surface refurbishments of Ormond Square and Jervis Park and the taller-than-proposed office block with the toilet-block side-elevation, on the former civic green space on Dame St.

They won’t have to demolish the Chime in the Slime or the wibbly-wobbly bridge as they’ re gone and never happened respectively. Or the original elephantine scheme for Spencer Dock which Mr Barrett supported but which was refused permission on appeal.

Most of these schemes were non-contextual, non-green, functionless, “big” and carried out top-down without much regard to the wishes of the citizenry or local community. Terminal criticisms you would think.

In deference to sustainability and because his legacy is not entirely negative, the demolition squads should be permitted to leave the refurbishment of City Hall and arguably the Boardwalk, though the pointless spire may have to follow the Floozie in the Jacuzzi (which pre-dates Mr Barrett and is missing in action from O’Connell St en route to the Croppy’s Acre), which we all got a bit tired of.

Mr Barrett’s legacy is very mixed. With the appointment of a new City Architect, Ali Grehan, it is time for a general rethink.

Environmentalists’ Policies

Posted in News on March 17, 2008 by Editor

NEWS
20 March 2008

John GormleyDavid Healy Poolbeg
Minister John Gormley; David Healy, ministerial adviser and before that on original Editorial Committee for submission; Poolbeg, Unsustainable Development

eengo-submission-on-nsds.pdf

ABOVE IS the environmental sector (EENGO – don’t ask!)  submission on the national sustainable development strategy (NSDS). Please try to read it. It’s the most important document ever to have come from the environmental sector. I think it is a very bad document. I’m sorry this is so long but here’s why.

Introduction

I’m a former chairman of An Taisce (1999-2003) and a founder member of EENGO, though obviously these comments are offered in a personal capacity.EENGO includes nearly all the campaigning environmental organisations such as Friends of the Earth, An Taisce, Feasta etc – around seventeen in total. The EENGO submission contains many radical and interesting ideas but sadly is simply not of the quality necessary for this the most important topic for environmentalists – from a sector that aspires to being taken into social partnership within a few years. Government is keen that the environmental sector should collaborate more. This document – its substance and its process – augurs badly for such collaboration. I believe the document must be rescinded as it undermines the credibility of the environmental sector. I am aware this document has already been sent to the Minister for the Environment and would have commented on it if I had been aware of it.

The Critique

1. Not Strategic
The National Sustainable Development Strategy should be strategic. Any submission on it should be strategic. The EENGO submission is largely utopian not strategic. It does not say how we get from where we are now (very unsustainable) to where we should be (sustainable). It largely outlines what we might look like once we are sustainable. And even here it makes little effort to justify its vision. It ignores a wealth of NGO experience in this sort of strategic thinking.

Much of the EENGO submission is absorbed with ownership rather than the environment.

2. Not practical
The EENGO submission underemphasises the practical changes that would transform the system. It ignores the wealth of NGO experience in monitoring and advocating mitigation of patterns of unsustainability. For example it does not emphasise the problems environmental NGOs encounter everyday such as rhetoric without enforcement; aspirations without timetables, targets or funding; short-termism; failure to integrate environmental goals with economic and social goals; lack of clarity of environmental goals; failure to decouple environmental degradation from economic growth; failure to give sustainable price signals; failure to plan; breaches of development and other plans; political intervention with professional environmentalists and planners; failures to apply European Law; inadequate assessments of the effects of proposals: incomplete EISs, no SEAs etc etc. Each of these problems has a practical remedy. The EENGO submission is dangerous because it goes into detail as if it were a precise response to actual practical problems but does not identify or address those actual problems. It is particularly surprising that it puts no emphasis on the need to enforce existing standards.

The EENGO submission notes [p18] that “the EENGO network is well informed from years of monitoring, commenting and campaigning on environmental issues” but the submission has been driven largely by an ideology, not experience or the lessons of campaigning.

It is highly significant that the document has nothing to say about cities or suburbs (and little to say about towns) – where most of our citizens live and will continue to live.

3. Inadequate mandate
The content of the EENGO submission has not been mandated. For example An Taisce has not had the submission’s policies approved by its Council. The document appears to have been written by a small number of people and many of its ideas are not as clear or coherent as they would be if they had been agreed line-by-line by a representative committee. Occasional name-calling and gratuitous swipes reinforce this sense.

Page 18 says merely NGOS are not against the economic and social content of the document. It says somewhat revealingly, “as many of our member NGOs have expertise in only a very particular area, not all actively support all of the ideas contained in the submission, particularly as they relate to social and economic issues. However, they are not either, against any of them as they respect the expertise of NGOs with a wider field of interest to contribute their recommendations”. Merely not being against something is not enough to give EENGO a mandate to publish a document in a group’s name. What mandate did component members seek and get from their members? I believe An Taisce did not, for example, put the document before its Council, as required. Many of the policies cut across agreed An Taisce policies.

There has been inadequate consultation of organisations’ members – though the submission says there has been, and the Department of the Environment requested it [p8].

4. Probably had no agreed written brief so some environmental issues have been omitted
Was there an agreed written brief for the submission reflecting a sectoral environmental vision? The approach seems desultory and haphazard. Many sectors seem to be treated in line with submissions received rather than with a view to proportionality, coherence or completeness. Perhaps for this reason some sections are strikingly discursive, laced with sage quotations, and too long – while others are paltry and short.

Important sectors have been extraordinarily left out or dealt with cursorily. Only pp 134-148 out of a hundred and eighty two pages deal with the sectoral environmental agenda.There are no sections on waste, air pollution, nuclear, agriculture, industry, chemicals, mitigating the local effects of climate change, national Migration (a crucial issue for Ireland) or Demographics; and there are negligible sections on water quality (less than one page), forestry (one page with no clear targets) etc.

5. The quality of the policies advocated is inadequate in theory and in detail [see also points 7, 8, 9 and 10 below]:

Structural problems with the submission
Much of the good material is lost through lack of emphasis and clarity.

The EENGO submission does not have a clear list of concrete recommendations.

It includes few recommended targets and dates.

For example, much of the treatment of climate change is discursive. A lot of the text on climate change is gratuitously-detailed descriptions of particular technical approaches. Another example is there are no targets even for improving the building regulations where there is much received wisdom.

There is an extraordinary dearth of citation of Irish academic works.

In general the EENGO submission makes too much use of esoteric and alienating jargon.

It is also badly edited and proofread (e.g. bottom p 18) and uses jarring terms like “ditto” [p129].

Problems with the submission’s ideas
The five “key elements” of a renewed NSDS set out on p 18 [point 5] of the submission (Risk Management and Resilience Building etc) are too unconventional for this mainstream environmental sector submission. Remedying some of the problems mentioned at 2 above should have infused this section.

The submission assumes that the goal of sustainability, and government policy, should be “Human Wellbeing”. Planetary not human wellbeing is the accepted goal for the environmental sector.

Commons, Trusts and eco-villages are over-emphasised for what is supposed to be the key, mainstream environmental submission. This leaves little room for treatment of the private sector and of the planning realities.

The section on Production and Consumption fails to make the critical point that we should establish measures of the ecological footprint of goods and services.

Even on climate change the authors suggest that “the government’s strategic priority we suggest, should not be to reduce its greenhouse emissions but to reduce the country’s use of all imported fuel whether fossil or not” [sic]. This is a crucial statement on the most important issue for environmentalists and the most important problem facing humans. For the EENGO submission to posit this strategy as central is highly controversial. George Monbiot for example suggests that the energy future may be in linking renewable electricity supplies with Atlantic countries contributing wind and wave power, Saharan countries contributing solar etc to a shared grid. Importation may be the future not a dead-end.

Under Social inclusion, Demography and Migration the EENGO submission comments, critically, “equality of opportunity is promised but equality of access to and enjoyment of the social and ecological commons is not”. Is it really, as implied, the concern of the environmental sector that equality of opportunity should be mitigated in this way (only)? It would be expected that the environmental sector would have concerns with the (liberal) notion of equality of opportunity and it certainly should be concerned with the treatment of private property and not just the treatment of the Commons. Key concepts are thrown around unconvincingly.

The built heritage is treated almost as if there were not a wealth of practical wisdom built up of long experience – despite what looks like an attempt to go into detail.

6. Too many naïve policies and factual errors
The submission has too many errors. I include a mere sample. For example is it really intended as a goal that we should halve the volume of road transport in 2012 compared to 2000 [p126]? It would be impossible. Ireland is not the most car-dependent EU member [p125]. The recommendation that subsidies should be withdrawn for “inter-regional” air travel should have said “intra-regional”. The programme for government does not envisage annual three per cent reductions in transport emissions [p125]. Is it really wise to contemplate that putting the electricity grid into a Trust should happen even if it leads to power cuts [p17]? Does the submission really need to assert on behalf of the broad environmental sector the possibility that the Company PLC is of itself “psychopathic” [p64]? Does the environmental sector agree that the government really needs to “scrap” as opposed to overhaul and redirect its National Development Plan [p38] which deals adequately amongst much else with issues like health and education? Is it really the case that “no government is going to be able to contemplate massive cuts in carbon dioxide unless the money creation system is changed”? [p82]

7. Unclear to what extent the EENGO submission is a critique of the EU NSDS and it does not make significant reference to the seminal 1997 Irish NSDS
These seminal documents (with their admittedly dated wisdoms) should at least be reference points if the intention is to be effective. There are desultory references to the EU NSDS around but they are notably incomplete.

8. Inadequately states the goal of society as “wellbeing” rather than quality of life or sustainability
It is shockingly wrong to answer the Department of the Environment’s key question to the environmental sector, “what should be the focus of a renewed sustainability strategy?” with “Human Wellbeing” [p18]. Sustainability recognizes the planet and other life not just humans and particularly addresses the long-term . It is universally recognized as the key concept here but the submission underplays it. The environment has an independent imperative and does not depend entirely on how it is enjoyed by humans.

The EENGO submission totally ignores work done by the ERSI, CSO, OECD, EU etc on quality of life and sustainability indicators, though it recognizes their existence. Quality of Life is a gratifyingly wide concept and most of its indicators have been ignored in this document which centralizes “health” as an indicator.

Health and wellbeing are not the key concepts for the environmental sector. The EU SDS includes the concept of wellbeing under Public Health (which it says comprises Health and Wellbeing). Wellbeing is taken by most commentators to embrace only issues like diet, contamination, disease. Quality of life is broader and less subjective and embraces environmental, social, economic and cultural objectives.

The section on “wellbeing” in the document is incomplete, over-emphasising indicators of health (US researched, at that), the land value tax and eco-villages. There is a section on social capital but there is no recommendation that the widest range of environmental indicators should be used to assess the success of society – along with the widest range of social, economic and cultural indicators. These indicators should apply to all development. The submission implies at one stage that some such indicators should apply to infrastructure only pp 78-9].

9. Skewed towards ownership and taxation not planning and the environment
The EENGO submission pays far too much attention to ownership (but only of the “Commons” which does not extend to buildings or infrastructure) reflecting the social concerns of the authors but not a mainstream environmental sectoral agenda. The land value tax that would apply to the site value, if it could be implemented, would tend to encourage development of the right sort of development, but unlike implementation of something like the Kenny Report (combined with cross-sectoral Agenda 21-style composition of sustainable plans) would not guarantee it. The EENGO’s proposed annual land tax does not guarantee local authorities the right to rezone and sell on land for suitable purposes like the current CPO regime combined with the Kenny Report would. In a country developing as fast as Ireland applying a land value tax instead of something like the Kenny Report would amount to a fatal missed opportunity to overhaul the fundaments of planning and development to start immediately serving the common good. It would be the wrong focus.

The Oireachtas Committee on the Constitution has already – following wide-ranging consultation – recommended implementation of a version of the Kenny report but the EENGO submission is ideologically opposed to this – a realistic corrective add-on to the existing statutory regime – as it does not facilitate the vision of Henry George, and the derivative notions of Commons and annual land tax.

There is also a strange emphasis on government rather than public performance [e.g. p 128 in the Objectives part of the Consumption and Production section].

10.Ingenuous vision of planning
Planning is perhaps the most important agent for sustainability (or unsustainability), particularly in a country growing as fast as Ireland. The EENGO submission includes no reference to the national spatial strategy which is the most important planning document widely accepted as an important (though flawed and flouted) salvo at sustainability. The EENGO submission implies that the future lies with eco-villages like Cloughjordan. Eco-development adjoining villages and towns is peremptorily dismissed as currently impossible in view of inflated land prices. The document has nothing, at all, to say about cities or suburbs. The submission has nothing to say to the ninety per cent of the population who would not consider living in an eco-village (and who do not live in social housing) about how to retrofit their housing.

There is a section [pp 55 and 56] which may (it is unclear) refer to towns as well as villages, providing for Framework Plans. It is naïve and utopian in assuming that a “team of consultants” whose relationship with the local authority is unclear can prioritise certain sites over others for development when the history of zoning in Ireland is so tainted and so much money would under the proposed system continue to be at stake. The report goes on [p56] in effect to recommend, in pursuit of the legitimate goal of ensuring Community-driven planning, use of CPO powers against recalcitrant “rural landowners” adjoining villages. But if this is recommended in the case of landowners’ recalcitrance adjoining rural villages the document does not make it clear why CPOs should not be used instead of land value taxes generally – where landowners are greedy rather than just recalcitrant and where the land is in a town, suburb or city.

The submission also envisages an unclear but very limited role for the private sector in future planning and development. The EENGO submission posits that developers of eco-villages should be not-for-profit. It is naïve to expect a speedy move from an avaricious building industry to a not-for-profit one, though that is not to say that might not ultimately be desirable. For the EENGO submission to suggest this peripheralises the environmental movement. The submission asserts that consultants are an exception to the rule against profits. If the vision is not for profit then surely no-one should earn a fee rather than a salary.

In any event the vision of eco-villages outlined is inadequately ambitious since it does not adequately address the issue of car-use and allows up to fully 40% of inhabitants to be holiday-homers or commuters.

Conclusion
The submission is on an important enough topic that it should be rewritten, recognizing the current document’s lack of mandate, lack of range, inadequate quality and inappropriate ideological biases.

Meaningful Names

Posted in Personal Opinion on March 17, 2008 by Editor

OPINION
20 March 2008

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Roches                                                   O’ Searcaigh

IF YOU HAD BEEN BORN SMITH you too might suffer from sneaking regardery for more exotic names. In college I remember my pals were called Long, Power and Thunder and I used to think it was impressive when our names were called out together, as they were on occasion by a coach driver or some such. I thought it all sounded strong. The others thought it all sounded strong, except for Smith. I called my first born Kappa in partial compensation but that’s another story.

If your second name means something, my patent universal law of the evolutionary survival of the most accurate surname, prevails. In other words if your name means something then it is likely to reflect something important about you.

The rule applies only to surnames. There are some apposite Christian names but they are only coincidental (FRANK Dunlop always convulses me; Newt Gingrich had his share of ethical problems and is now creepily living with a twenty-three-year-old). Initials rarely give guidance, though at school I did enjoy speculating that G O’ Neill’s occasional absences were due to sickness. And in adult life I always found former Dublin City Council head of development Sean Carey, S Carey.

I love the idea of Niall Hatch, spokesperson for Birdwatch Ireland and of Dr Robert Boyle – a famous Australian plastic surgeon. Even better are Nicholas Burns-Cox, urologist and Dr Lisa Minge, gynaecologist – referred to me by a correspondent below. Irish life (former Chairman, David Went) is peppered with these gems. Brendan Drumm, head of the HSE, is taking a terrible pounding in the media. Sean Love was the philanthropic head of Amnesty International in Ireland until recently. My former next-door neighbour Seamus Deane now runs the English faculty in Notre Dame. Britain’s Prime Minister Gordon Brown does not appear really to understand the Green agenda, since he is about to sanction new nuclear and coal-burning power plants. Village Magazine doesn’t really promote green issues, for the same reason. In sport Damien Duff seldom delivers in an Ireland shirt and George Best was altogether, well, better. Tiger Woods was always going to be an animal off the tee. As regards the environment in Ireland, Stiofan Nutty was long-time General Secretary of the Green Party during their fringe years. The head of the Department of the Environment is now the very tenacious Geraldine Tallon. The former Minister in that Department, Dick Roche, got a hard time at the last election for his scuttling unctuousness and anti-environmentalism. He was trailed for a while by a miscreant in a giant cockroach costume. I thought the beast should have been accompanied by a large double-fronted penis, giving the horrible options of Cock Roach or Dick Roach. Nor should it go unremarked that my Merriam-Webster dictionary defines a “hern” as a heron – a bird which famously eats insects and that Bertie dropped him from cabinet shortly after he was exposed as a Roche.

Names suggestive of bodily functions or sexual orientations are invariably illustrative of the law. I once had a friendly German teacher called Ullrike Bonk. Former Dublin City Manager Frank Feeley was very touchy (though never in a sexual or improper way). It was recently reported that Martin Meaney, a sixty-five year old former Marist Brother, had admitted shocking counts of child abuse. Nor was Fr Ivan Paine ever one to whom I would have leapt to assign the babysitting. As regards politicians I was always nervous about Emmet Stagg who spent too much time in the deerpark, Pat Cox seemed to me to have an intriguing other agenda, and I would not like to overnight in a tent with Allan Shatter. Similarly for the media: Will Goodbody, a correspondent with RTE, seems very well-formed for a journalist but we venture at our peril into the bushes with anyone called Goodwillie (though presumably Mark Little would pose no difficulties). Gay Byrne is, a Nation presumes, the exception that proves the rule.

The principle applies in any language. Ms Angeline Jolie is undeniably pretty. For Irish names it is permissible to remove the O or Mac to reveal something relevant. Conor O’ Luanaigh wrote Aware’s guide to Depression in Later Life. My friend Colm MacEochaidh is a very good man to have on your side as a barrister, but all that politics is a little unsavoury. It was always going to be uphill for Cathal O’Searcaigh to get us to believe his relationship with those young men in Nepal was not predatory on a grand scale.

For politicians, disconcertingly, your name may be a guide to your destiny. Jack Lynch was famously shafted as leader of Fianna Fail. Fine Gael politician Joe Doyle, after many years trying, eventually made it out of the Seanad. Joe Burke, like his namesake Ray, was always for me likely to implode in a torrent of silly arrogance. The principle has always driven US politics too – up as far as the President. Truman was not highly regarded until recently but his now-missed honesty is leading to a rehabilitation. President ray-gun started out his political career a left-winger but was always going to be a cold warrior playing Star Wars, in the end. Presumably Al Gore will eventually bare his environmental teeth as a politician. In his retirement we can surely say George Bush will be prickly about his place in history. A tip for the future: Senator Sheldon Whitehouse from Rhode Island may be looking to greater things.

Sometimes knowing their surname may be a help in working out motivations. JJ Power became a councilor in Kildare for the Greens who don’t know why he left Fianna Fail. The residents of Ballsbridge may feel they have been done by Sean and his skyscrapers.

Overall a colourful name will extend you a hand on your journey through life, but an anodyne one may be worse than a meaningless one. You have almost certainly never heard of Ms Clair Noone, head administrator of the Department of Economics in NUI Galway.

Anyway, all in all, the discerning reader will take the law of names with whatever seriousness he or she must. It may be a life-changing and definitive guide to human behaviour. Or then again it may simply be Michael’s myth.